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Probably the closest type of writing to my heart, and
also the section that is the least complete. Random and
clipped journal entries are here for your purusal.
Jan. 28th, 2005
What secrets had the nighttime brought that I was unaware
of? The rain is clamoring off of rooftops, clanking its
way down to the earth. It has been all day - began slowly
enough, sleepily enough in the wee hours of the morning
- a gentle nod to those of us still awake. Some unhappy
and bundled up crying into a phone somewhere attempting
to reach out for that impossible hope - salvaging something
in a relationship.
Others, like us, Justin and I, quite content to be in
bed with one another - all hands and kisses and soft touches.
Warm orange light making our skin that much more supple
and vibrant looking, illuminating his eyes with an intensity
like fire, glowing sapphires with facets of sage.
My mouth somehow kept managing to find his mouth, ear, throat.
So, as I said, the rain began to fall outside, slowly carefully,
measuring out the morning drop by drop, testing the earth
to see whether this place would be an acceptable transition
from the heavens. not concerned with two lovers passionately
clinging to one another in bed, or, in an separate room,
a girl clinging to the phone willed with sadness and frustration,
desperation, searching for something she may be quite incapable
of finding with the voice on the other end of the line.
Tuesday, January 4th, 2005
Upon Sitting at Mi Tierra with Val!
You hear of poets
and writers bogged down with their drink, their
inspiration and their crutch. Beer or absinthe, wine or
whisky burns
in their bellies. But not us. No - we sisters in San Antonio
sit
with a liter of Margarita on our table, chips, salsa, tortillas.
We
feel the expansion of our hips but with a pen in hand, it's
hard to
care.
Dec. 18th, 2004
I want to break the
earth open and pour myself into it.
The shadows stretched
across the world like fingers, pulling it awake.
“Angles and curves.
All this geometry.” - Justin
Dec. 13th, 2004
I felt my whole life expanding before me with this person...
From our first morning of intimacy - the warm, satisfying
peach colors of his skin against mine. Later on - the sight
of his hand on my stomach, his thumb caressing my skin -
welcoming, caring, non-judgmental - promising a future.
A completely different and unknown future than I ever thought
possible, domestic but comfortable, pleasant, and most importantly
satisfying
Dec. 5th, 2004
My ribs were pressing hard against my back again, trying
to break through the skin - split me open and peel off the
outer layer of myself - spread out and away and remove the
cloudy atmosphere around me that kept me mute.
Dec 12, 2003 - AM
The sky was clear and all the lights glittered this morning.
The world
hinted, again - as it often does at times like these - that
there might be
something out there. Something more - worthwhile. The city
was only a
gathering of sparkles in the distance and the sky overhead
swirled purple
and deep over a spattering of stars.
I breathed in the chilled morning air, whipped my head
around attempting
to take it all in.
40 degrees and invigorating. Texas 1 week prior to New
Years. There is
anxiety and fear surrounding that, a bit.
But the air was so crisp and cool. I find myself trying
to uncloud my mind
and reach for a definitive answer.
Wouldn't that be something?
Read more of my writing here.
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